Using Imperial Guard, at the tournament level

So lets face it, the majority of what I write about, is well, fun stuff. But every now and again, I at least, like to drop the act of fun, and go to a tournament, and beat the shit out of people. And Imperial Guard, are about as competitive as it gets. Now, that's not to say that it's "easy" for us, but it is "easier"... anywho, so how does one win in a tournament setting with Imperial Guard? spam tanks? DUH. With a vehicle count in the double digits, I can easily bring more armor to the table than any of my opponents. But while entertaining as it is effective, its simply not my style. Spam Guardsmen? DUH. With a model collection roaming in the high 200's I find myself able to completely spam the shit out of guardsmen. Orks can suck it when it comes to the numbersgame, because for every 5 orks you can bring, I can bring 6 guardsmen, who when led properly, can easily best you in shooting (big talk, I know). but seriously, the amount of firepower that guardspam brings to the table, is borderline ridiculous. however even guardspam is not my chosen method. Is it vets and valks? nope. Is it some masterplan conspiracy? nope. Is it whacked out of your gourde deathstrike missile launcher and roughrider combo? HELL YEAHHHHH. naw. But seriously, its just a fine mix of it all.

See, too many vehicles calls for cries of imbalance. Too many troops, and you'll just annoy the shit out of your opponent by taking years to move. Too many vets, and you'll be outclassed, AND outnumbered. Too many zany things, and sure you'll kickass, but its all about the objectives. SO, the best thing is to cheese it up in the I can do anything department.

Of course that's not to say you can't still have flavor. See, I'm a world war one man. So lots of infantry, the occasional tank, and a decent ammount of barrage artillery. This works surprisingly well, especially for imperial guard. And I keep it balanced, by giving my guardsmen enough heavy weapons teams to keep it real in the anti tank department, while allowing my guardsmen to run up and well, die for the God Emperor.

Ork 1000 point Tourney list

25 boyz

nob

power klaw

25 boyz

nob

power klaw

ghazkull thrakka

trukk

wrekkin ball

reinforced ram

stikkbomb chukka

3 nob warbikers

power klaw

big choppa

8 nobz

annnnnnnd that's it!!!!!!!!!!!!

OK so how does this list work?

The workhorse, as it should be, is the boyz.

Ghazkull ultimately just helps them along with his super waaagh, and is also there to kill vehicles, and punk heroes.

nobz with ghazkull in the trukk are there to ram up, get in the thick ASAP and look good doin it. Also to soak up fire before the boyz can get stuck in. The trukk, can be surprisingly durable, or surprisingly fragile. As an Ork player, I love the gamble.

WARBIKERS here's an important thing to remember. Warbikers are probably the single best anti tank unit orks get. moves super far, ton of attacks, high strength and AP 1. and they hit a lot harder than they look, with three of em, that's six wounds, and all at toughness 5 with a 4+ invulnerable. Also, notice the weapon loadouts, one big choppa, one power klaw, thats it. The extra guy is just there to die. And the big choppa is there incase we fight a ton of infantry, but more just to not have a powerklaw's investment, but be kinda good.

LASTLY overall strategy. In a 1000 point tourney, bringing over 70 orks to the table is an awesome number. Not only that, but they're all pretty tough. Unlike most ork players, I take cover, allowing me a far larger force when the waaagh comes, not to mention causing arguments about cover saves, all I do is follow the rules. lol.

shoota boyz, and why they don't suck

so if you know anything about orks, its that, the ork boy is the best thing to happen to orks, well, ever. He's allllll you got in the troops department, besides gretchin, but just lol @ how horrible that would be, and coming from me, yeah, that's bad. but there is one unit I can squeeze some potential out of, and that's the Shoota boy!

internets say he sucks. Why? cuz he's an ork, based around shooting, and they have BS 2! naturally that would suck right? well, I disagree, not that that wouldn't suck, but I don't think that's their purpose.

See, from a normal boy, you get one shot on the charge, and then yeah, out of 30 boyz maybe get two or three kills. With shoota boyz, you sacrifice one close combat attack, for one extra shooting attack. Now if the odds of a shooting attack succeeding are far worse than of a close combat attack, then why make that trade? well, typically, you don't want to.

But wait, you said they were good! they are, but not whole army good. What I'm proposing is a unit of them, not some massive shift in ork society.

ohhhh its all so clear now, thank's for clearing that up man.

no problem. so anywho, the shooting attacks help overcome two things. ONE: ork initiative, in case you haven't noticed, is 2. So even with furious charge, you're going to match at best. initiative doesn't matter in shooting, and if you peel enough off beforehand, then you can get to what shoota boyz really do best, which is, punch stuff. 3 attacks each is still awesome. How many times has your ork horde had like 60 attacks against a 10 man unit... you only needed 40 to ensure you would wipe them out. I've had ork assaults that had over 200 attacks in one melee, it was awesome, but it was overkill for sure. With the shoota boy, you still get enough attacks, you just also get a gun.

Two: (yeah that's right, I bet you forgot I was listing things didn't you!... I did...>.>) anywho TWO: you get a gun. Now what does that mean for orks? you can kill stuff, and you don't have to spend three turns running up the board... WOAH. Mind. Blowing. So lets run down some MATH HAMMMMMERRRRRRRRR. Ork shoota boy, versus, Tau Fire warrior. Shoota boy has a 33% chance of hitting. Thats right, one in three of his shots will hit. But when you fire two shots at maximum range... :o ! wait, that means... he HITS SOMETHING?! yeup. Statistically, your ork, WILL hit something. So one shot hits. That shot has a 66% chance of wounding, and since the tau's armor is 4+, that makes for a 33% chance of success, meaning, for every 3 ork shoota boys, a firewarrior should go down. Now the tau's turn. 50% chance to hit, 66% chance to wound. Now let me blow your mind again, with something ork shoota boyz can do. they can do something, incredibly un orky, take. Cover. So 50% of all wounds, never have to happen. just remember all those times, your opponent lolled in your face when you didn't get any saves, and just removed bucket loads of orks. That doesn't have to happen with shoota boyz. on another note, they can go to ground, increasing your odds to 66% chance of salvation.

NOW. Let us discuss how to field shoota boyz. First off, I just wanna say, the big shoota sucks. One more shot, a lot more range, but TEN more points. If it was 5 points, I'd be allllllll over that, but 10?! no sir. how many boyz? I say, no more than 15 shoota boyz to a unit. However, 10 is also feasible. Now this is a free kill point if you have 10 orks in the unit and it sees heavy fighting, so fight with your noggin good sir, and you shall come out ok. Now turn one, move up, maybe shoot, probably run. Turn two, walk up, fire for sure. Turn three, walk up, fire for sure, assault. consolidate backwards. Turn four, walk backwards, keep firing. Turn five, walk backwards, run towards nearest objective on your own side of the table.

Wait, you can hold the objective on your own side of the table?! mmmmmhrmmmm. No more draws because you bashed in the face of your opponent, but he held on by the skin of his teeth at home, and you just had nothing in your own base.

now in closing, I must stress, DO NOT. DOOOOOOOOOOOOO. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT run an army of these guys, fuck don't even field two units of them. One nice and thin unit, taking cover when possible, always moving 6 inches when possible, and yeah! so get out there, give em a "shot" get it... shot? ho ho hooooo

How to Counter The Ork

See. IG are a horde army, pretty much, the premier horde army for ranged combat. Orks are the premier horde army for close combat. And man to man (or man to ork I guess) statistically, the ork will come out on top. See, lets say the imperial guardsmen shoots his lasgun, once at 24 inches, odds are below 10%, remember, even the ork gets an armor save against a lasgun. Now the ork gets a little closer, we'll say he fails the waagh run, give the IG benefit of the doubt here. So the guardsmen even gets frfsrf ontop of the rapid fire. For a total of 3 shots, this is at best remember. each shot, having, less than a 10% chance of success, for a total, of at best, less than 30% chance. Now the ork on the other hand, gets a 30% chance of success to wound the guardsmen... 4 times. so. how do we counter this? more men? not possible. More dakka? not reliable. Straken? now there's a good idear.

See. We're gunna get charged. That's the long and short of it. But what they ain't expectin, is commissars, priest's, standards, straken, and a good ol' fashioned thing called human resolve. With a priest, a commissar, and straken nearby, a lone guardsmen's chance of success in combat, moves from again, less than 10 % (thats for either ranged, or cc) to a whomping 33% chance, and that's with 2 attacks each, ontop of the chances before, and with plenty of inspiration for staying in the fight. The answer my imperial guard friends, isn't to run from your foe, or to bring more weapons than him, its to beat him into the ground the old fashioned way, the REAL old fashioned way... of course bringing more guns on top of this doesn't hurt a whole lot either... just sayin.

Spelunkinatornation part two

Pvt Stanley (the manly) swept his bolter to the left, shining his flashlight around in the dark interior of the space hulk. It was cold. and the only visible light now was coming from the end of the flashlights they all carried. Sergeant Wallace looked the whole room over, made sure everyone was checking their corners.

"alright lads, lets get moving. Stan, you're on point!" With that the squad made their way to a nearby corridor and suddenly the cavernous hangar, gave way to the immensely crammed hallways. In full gear, they had to move single file. Lance Corporal Ohjay was last in line. The sound of his heavy combat boots sounded impossibly loud with every step, but speed was of the essence. They'd all heard the stories. Stories of genestealers, or orks, or things even worse, from beyond the grasp of reality itself. The only way they were going to survive, was if they packed enough firepower. And considering firepower was Ohjay's specialty as the demolitions expert, he hoped that at least he would survive.

suddenly a loud hiss burst from a nearby chamber. The team froze as a flicker of light came from behind. Ohjay swung his shotgun left towards the light, while Stan and Wallace moved up to investigate the hiss. Ohjay raised his hand to block the light, his eyes so used to the dark now. once his eyes adjusted he finally realized what it was. "Corporal Nicholas! get over here!" he shouted.

Wallace and Stan both pressed themselves as hard against the walls of the ship as humanly possible. They were about to round the corner where they heard the loud hiss. Stan crouched down, and Wallace gave him the tap confirming he too was ready, and together they rounded the corner. There was nothing. In the distance they heard Ohjay yell something, so they turned back to see what the matter was, when a nearby pipe let forth a belch of steam, making them both jump a foot. It was the old damaged pipe all along. Sergeant Wallace and Private Stanley both arrived to Ohjay and Nicholas bent over a computer screen that was somehow still powered. Nicholas inserted his mechanicus data chip, and downloaded what he could from the files.
"We should be able to repower the whole ship, at least the vessel we're currently in. all we have to do is make our way to engineering. Once there we can control the life support systems, maybe even get some lights turned on." explained Nicholas.
"but first we gotta scrap those civies.' Wallace reminded them. 'So lets get the lead out and get it done."

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so basically this is taking a lot longer to put it into this format than I thought.... anywho I gotta go work. :(

Why We Fall Out Of The Hobby

ok, so you may have noticed, that the amount of content has severely dropped. I blame loss of interest. But not in the blog, but simply the game. I poured my heart and soul into warhammer for over 3 years. It was my favorite thing ever. It just for whatever reason has run its course as a hobby for me. I simply ran out of time for it, and money for it.

NOW, FRET NOT!

for I'm not giving up the hobby, but I just cannot enjoy the hobby like I used to. I've really fallen more into D&D type games, and not even them anymore, just roleplaying. bread and butter combat mechanics, combined with ridiculous ideas and good and merry times. Spelunkinatornation being a prime example. I apologize for the lack of willpower on my part to stay with the hobby, but! Don't let me go to waste, I'm still a source of information and knowledge, and will continue to apply my ideas both on my blog, and to those in need.

Overall nothing is really changing, but I figured it needed to be said, that, well... 40k just isn't the hobby it used to be for me.

Spelunkinatornation part one

alright, so me and my buds all love D&D and just playing with our imaginations. But not everyone wants to put the time into learning how to play either D&D or Warhammer 40k. So. We kinda made it a party game. We'll have about 12 or so people, most just casual players. So I'll be "Dungeon Master" if you don't play Dungeons & Dragons, then Dungeon Master, or DM, is basically the guy making all the rules. Why isn't there just a core set of concrete rules? well, sometimes you just need more rules than provided, for example, if you roll a one to swing from a tentacle into the eye socket of a kraken (this happened) the DM gets to decide whether or not you would fall off into the water, like would normally happen if a one is rolled, but instead you fall into it's mouth, which is exactly what I did... and that character only survived because someone sliced the testicles of the beast causing it to roar in pain. anywho. so, we use D6's, instead of D20's, because, frankly, we don't have that many D20's, and who cares, it's still statistically sound. So here's what happened in our last D&D adventure in the 40k realm... but to make it awesomer, I'm gunna put it in book format, then follow it up with a brief paragraph explaining what really happened. Take all this with a grain of salt, and a good dash of humor.

The valkyrie hurtled through space, its engines struggling to propel it to it's limits. Deep within the red glow of the interior, sat insertion team one. Lead by the somewhat nontraditional, sergeant wally wallace. Corporal Nickonator Player Hater, the vox operator and all around techie. Lance Corporal OJ The Jaw, demolitions expert. And Private Stanley The Manly.

"Receiving message from the Iron Tide Patching you through." said the Pilot.
"This Is Colonel Barret, Sergeant Wallace, there's been a change of plans. A civilian vessel is moving in on the Space Hulk. Those poor bastards have no idea the trouble they'll cause. Your new objective is to take those grubby hand ass wipes, and remove them from my damn Area of Operations. then proceed with your previous objective to rendezvous with team two deeper into the space hulk. understood?"
"Yes Sir."
"Good, now make it happen."

as soon as the transmission ended, the pilot crackled over the speakers "Sergeant, ETA 3 minutes."

The men all checked their equipment one last time, and sat impatiently, no one looking forward to the horrors that awaited them within the space hulk....

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alright so I've gotta go on a road trip now... but part two will have some action... I promise.

6th ed, reaction and reaction to reactions.

Ok, so first ima give my reaction, then react to the reactions of others, because I waited and read a tonne of other posts first just to a be a tad different. So I know you've certainly read the rules somewhere, you're not getting this from me, so I won't make you read them again so lets dive in.

We'll start with the only thing that's breaking my heart about the new edition. Lower coversaves. it seems that my guardsmen will be weaker than ever, being easier to shoot at, being easier to get blasted even if they're in cover, and this just makes me sad in the pants. But that's about it for negatives.

I've always thought that vehicles should be easier to hit, I mean, there is a big difference between hitting a guardsmen with a bolter thats 23 inches away, from hitting a landraider that is literally right under your nose.

That all said, I think there should be a few additions to the shooting rules, while we're bringing it up. For example, if the unit numbers over 12 then it should be a little easier to hit, maybe a +1 up the new BS chart. Or if a unit is within 8 inches, then a +1 and of course, these stack, because you would truly have to be daft to miss a thousand gaunts surrounding you, and not go ten for ten.

Stealth rule has been vastly expanded with the ability to "vanish" I believe this could be really, really, really cool. I've always complained about snipers sucking, but it looks like they're finally having a comeback in 6th edition! My 8 ratlings are suddenly very happy.

Next up, if you're a long time reader, you know my opine on the new IG codex, since it took out doctrines. BUT NOW! doctrines for everybody!!! I know I know, kenny, where does it say doctrines? It doesn't, but it uses a word that if there was a warhammer specific thesaurus, it would be under it, STRATAGEMS!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, so why am I wigging out about stratagems? because stratagems means customization, and like all gamers, I LOVE THE SHIT out of some customization. To the point where I will read the stratagems over and over and over, and use them more than I'll use different units.

Now that all said, I do and don't care for bidding. because, I don't mind going second, I'll just bid really low, and get some extra strats. But then again, what about my opponent, if he plays against me all the time, then he'll know that, and bid low as well. I just don't like how complicated that all gets. So here's my thought for house rules, DON'T BID. Roll off anyway. Otherwise it'll get overly complicated, how do we reveal our bids anyway? write them down? thats gay, I don't want to have paper with me just to play warhammer. So I dunno. mixed emotions on the bidding.

Deepstrike rules, make so much sense its not even funny. Why would a unit careen off course when its not in danger? now who's to say there isn't any anti-air or something? then who's to say we didn't just burrow out of the FUCKING GROUND. So yeah.

at the same time, whilst I am very pleased with the rules, haters gunna hate. and several people I know have reacted very negatively, on the otherhand, some people have reacted very favorably. I think this hurts IG a whole lot, as more than ever a small elite force of heroic characters is favored, but I think that, that, is how war should be. Just ask Tzun Tsu, a small band of hardcore warriors will simply always outdo a large band of terrible ones. If not on the field of battle, off of it. anywho, we'll get to that in a minute. For now, I for one am disappointed at the haters. Since when have the rules been easy enough for noobs to comprehend anyway? it may feel super simple to us, but to someone getting into the hobby, the learning curve is barely made any steeper. Stratagems are making it more like Apoc... and? whats the complaint? its not like you have to use more models... its just more and better rules, so its all the fun and customization of your own force, and none of the taking 6 hours to play. Speaking of which, game length is becoming something a lot of people are worried about. I foresee it taking only a few minutes longer, I honestly don't see how it adds that much to game time. Now as far as even if it does take a while longer, who cares? when I play, I play all day anyway, so to me, its absolutely not a big deal.

lastly, and perhaps most importantly for guard units everywhere, experience. Now they haven't said whether or not this is army wide, hero wide, survivor wide, or just a once in a blue moon thing. But Who the fuck doesn't like to see a couple hardcore dudes doin hardcore stuff like blowing off heads with shotguns and turning around and punching a space marine in the face? I for one am very excited.

The lameness of running a warhammer blog

sometimes I feel as if, my soul is being crushed under the weight, of my model collection. And at the point of weight that I feel, it is least, felt, in the wallet, as it is emptied, rather quickly, by the hobby that I so love. Sometimes its a woman playing solitaire that inspires the depression of modeling the world, in miniature form. And other times, its sheer boredom and simply running out of material. This is the article I was jokingly (at least I hope so) suggested to write.

Something about the fact of writing in a fictional universe, for plastic men, that cost ten times the price of army men (ten times? who am I kidding, more like thirty) and for all the same enjoyment. At the same time it creates an elite few, who become the basis of lifetime friends. As we journey through the horrible universe of the forty first millenium, things get darker and darker as both the universe expands into the eleventh level of hell, and Games Workshop expands into the fifty first level of hell. And we as gamers are slaves to their will. As one is indeed enslaved so often by the things they love. Perhaps its the fact that Sleep is overtaking certain people or perhaps its the fact this article is going nowhere. But I will leave you all with the final thought of Kurgan, from highlander. ITs better to burnout, than to fade away! *ends article with gay as fuck and totally out of character spin*

Kill Team List: secret weapon... most unique killteam list ever

...wait for it... waiiiiit forrrr itttttt.... rough riders. With Mogul Kamir. see, give two of the rough riders plasmaguns, and make sure there are ten of these guys, and you're almoooost at 200, so maybe take a unit of ratlings as filler. Anywho, talk about packin a punch on the cheap.

for ten points, that's right, ten points a man, you get, cavalry (charge 12 inches), laspistols, and most importantly, a hunting lance. Now if you don't know, a hunting lance, is str 5, initiative 5, power weapon. SO, on the turn that the 7 nonplasmagunning/nonmogul kamir, riders charge in, they will get 7 laspistol shots, we'll say against... space marines, so that's a chance of 3 hits, and a whomping one wound, a whomping nothing, from the armorsave... :( but! heres the cool part, then they get the charge, with a 12 inch charge, they should always be the chargers, so yeah. so anywho, so 3 attacks on the charge each, for a whomping 21 attacks, at str 5... initiative 5... so thats 7 hits, 6 wounds and nooooo saves! and all for 6 points cheaper than a space marine... that's right. and the plasmagunners can just outrun anyone around him, and just keep poppin shots.

Mogul Kamir, was supposed to be nerfed, by the dreaded Rage Special Rule... but in kill team, no one is affected but Mogul the Mongol. So he's gunna end up with his crazy bitchass just charging the crap outta somebody. So try to maneuver him against the biggest guy.

anywho, if you wanted to make this list even harder, then throw out mogul kamir, and yeah. But this is an awesomely effective list.

Kill Team List: Gray's Grenadiers 2.0

some of you may remember the previous grays grenadiers, well, unfortunately thats a unit of the past, and has been for quite some time now. But tonight, they get a reboot. And all in the name of remodelling straken. but enough about that whole stuff, this is about the list itself.

Veteran squad: 70
powerfist 15
meltagun 10
sniper rifle 5
heavy bolter 10
cameleoline 30
carapace armor 30
demolitions 30
200 points

special rules:
sergeant: Preferred Enemy
Sniper: infiltrate
Heavy Bolter: feel no pain

Allright, so explaining the list in depth, sergeant is all about CC, with his shotgun, and his buddies with shotguns, a meltagun and a demo charge, there isn't a whole lot they're afraid of. That said, half the unit, will hold back and shoot with their lasguns, heavy bolter, and sniper rifle.

Now right off the bat, the big deal is the three doctrines. THREE doctrines? thats half my points! well, I just wanted a single squad. Whats more badass than that? and what's more trying to a general than that? to command forces against an entirely superior force?

Well here are my tactics.

The enemy will deploy in their quadrant, as per standard rules, probably with some space marines, one having feel no pain, another with furious charge, and another with fleet or something. So my sniper's whole job, is to divert as many men as possible to his location. Hopefully nabbing a rend along the way.

My heavy bolter's probably going to do the heavy lifting of the early game. I gave the heavy bolter feel no pain, because with a 3 up cover save, 2 wounds and feel no pain, that's pretty effin awesheome. The heavy bolter and friends will more than likely get a single kill, but that's about it.

The real winners come from the hard chargin mofo's with the sergeant. The democharge is str 8 AP 2, so goodbye terminators, good bye space marines, or whatever else you got. Next up meltagun will lay down the law against anyone with feel no pain. Then lastly shotguns blazing, my sergeant and his buddies will engage the remaining enemies. The guardsmen with just shotguns are kind of running interference against the biggest baddie, while my sergeant fights the remaining men. Eventually, the shotgunners will die, but then the meltagunner can pop the remaining specialist hopefully. The sergeant can reliably defeat two space marines, as long as he gets the charge.

well there you have it, a lone squad of men, over priced, over awesome, and how to use em.

Taskmaster part deuce

Alright, so this week me and mah buds spent a little coin, gettin the manager to really understand how much we love this hobby. The discount we get for doin all the work we do, really payed off. So we each got massive orders. Then we hit up a game, and well, had a great time. Had another guy show up, he brought his orks. We did a three way battle, and it ended up that we each got the best possible outcomes for our armies. The orks all died, the black templar purged the bejesus out of both my guard and the orks, and my imperial guardsmen, survived, mostly by winning. So there we have it.

Taskmaster!

ok, so, my local hobby shop, leaves a lot to be desired. No warhammer pieces. No players. Nothing but RC cars for grandpa's to halfheartedly give to their grandsons, who might play with them once. Ok so maybe not that bad. But no warhammer at least. SO. My friend and I have taken it upon ourselves to undo this injustice.

Step one! get our game onnnnn!
Today, we marched in with our armies, and some terrain. And played a game! that's right, we just did that! so despite a few crotchety old ladies giving us a hard time, I mean surprisingly rude really.

Well the game was fun, my friend just converted his black templar to mech and I pretty much decimated it, they got traffic jammed on one side of the board, buying the rest of my army time to move up and defend the line.

Some people stopped here and there, only two guys seemed really to be into it. The store manager loooooved us tho. I mean, loooooooooooved us. The guy's tryin to get us in there once a week. Which works for me. and we get discounts! which is always, ALWAYS a good thing.

Now we have to wait and watch our nest egg grow

small battles

why is it that small battles are better than big battles? well, you can fit in more battles for starter, which is always good right? but also it provides something else. It makes every unit count more. It makes the troop choices matter, and it makes the flavor of your army even more concentrated. People tend to shy away from small battles in the simple minded mentality that bigger is always better! no. No it's not. Most of the time, sure. But here, smalllllllerrrrr is the way to go. Not only this, but it makes the gametypes matter more as well. See, in a larger game, the gametype takes a backseat. And everyone kind of focuses on destroying the crap out of eachother. More of a annihilation no matter what mentality. Sure objectives kind of matter, but in a smaller game, more special rules can be slapped down. For instance, ANY mission from the battlemission's book, and I'm dissapointed with the ammount of flavor in those missions, so I combine at least two of them, sometimes as much as four, to make one battle. and smaller battles make it matter more. they really do.

in the end, how many points we talkin? well, it depends on what you're goin for. Kill team for me, is a blast. Warhammer in half an hour, always enticing. But what matters here is what you want. I would base it on how much time you have, or if you just wanna try a new unit, then whatever it takes to fit it in.

So there we have it, keep small, keep it complex.

simple units

so I was playing the other day, with some vendettas, and I was just in awe of how little skill it took to use. It was just, zip around the board, and blow up whatever I hit. 3 twinlinked lascannons make for a very, very, potent shooting phase. for only 150 (I run mine with bolter sponsons, because door gunners are sooooo cool) I get a powerhouse. Now not that I haven't used them before, or that I haven't heard the hype, it was just particularly effective against my friends black templar army. Then that got me thinking of other units that just require hardly any skill. Now, some of the pessimists out there will sneer and say, you play imperial guard, everythings a simple unit >:I while I disagree, I will save that for another article.

So other simple units:
vindicator
leman russ
devastator squad
any apocalypse unit
and ork boyz or similar horde rush armies.

These all share one common factor: extremes. There's no middle ground. And that focus of what to do, makes them so effective. With a tac squad people don't know if they are gunna hold objectives, or assault, or anything in between. So they lose clarity, while a unit like a vindicator is straight up. Ork boyz are probably the least flexible of all of these. But that also makes them one of the best. Get enough boyz, you WILL win. I've played games with orks, that I literally couldn't kill all of them even though I had two great turns of shooting before they broke my lines, and even though I had straken, priests, commissars, and every other trick in the book to make my men good in close combat, nothing worked, and we lost. There were just too many boyz.

Now these simple units are often ridiculed, for example thunderwolf cavalry, nob bikers, both are infamous and truly hated. As well as the vendetta and valkyrie. Every single army has that one simple unit, that is truly hated. Even tau... well... maybe not. Anywho, the thing with simple units is, when you're getting your ass kicked by them, just remember, you're smarter than them... weak punchline, but one I will stand by none the less.

Imperial Guard Platoons

So, one of the things that often confuses people, is the massively complex unit, known as an Imperial Guard Platoon. Each platoon is an army within an army. There is one HQ that's mandatory, the Lieutenant or "platoon commander" as well as two troops, in the form of guardsmen squads. You can take more troops. You can add some heavy support in the form of heavy weapons squads. Or you can add some special weapons with special weapons teams. Oh and conscripts, while mostly avoided, are also found here. Now the key thing here. This is all ONE troops choice from the force organization chart.... ONE TROOP CHOICE can be over 100 men. Easily. So. that said. We have the potential to field the largest armies, and put down the most hurtin in one turn. No other army can say that 100 plus infantry is a single troops choice. Now on the other hand, the platoon isn't too awful effective, but here are some tips.

Take a commissar, and if you do, put him in a combined squad, so his effects travel further.

I like to take 3 squads per platoon. And I'll combine two of the squads, and give them the said commissar from above.

I find equipping a platoon with all the same kit works best. To have a platoon of all rockets and plasma guns, or all heavy bolters and grenade launchers. My lieutenants retinue will follow this as well, with the addition of a standard bearer. Or if you don't like standards, a vox caster or another special weapon will do.

Typically I don't give my lieutenants much special kit. A bolt pistol, or a plasmapistol is enough. any more than that, you're just not gunna get your points worth.

Remember, the point of a platoon, is to hold objectives, and to put it gently, die. If they aint dyin, then they aren't doin their job. Its a grunt's life.

Cover is, as always with imperial guard, if not even more so here, vital to success. Nothin in the entire game is more necessary. It takes your measly 5+ armor save (nonexistent against bolters, or most weapons for that matter) to a whomping 4+ cover save. So what's the big deal? it increases you chance of surviving against bolters, from a 44% casualty rate, to a 22% casualty rate. And that makes your guardsmen worth their weight in gold. and between the incoming order, or just plain ol' goin to ground, you can increase that how you wish.

Typically, I try not to equip my squads with lascannons. On the basis of the fact that they will never have anything to shoot at. That and one lascannon will more than likely fail to blow up a vehicle anyway. So heavy weapons squads are pretty much the way to go. They all have the same range, and are all just as good as the other guys in the heavy weapon squad. so 3 lascannons, 3 autocannons, 3 mortars, 3 heavy bolters, that's how ya do it.

Lastly, remember that platoons compliment themselves rather nicely. Between the numbers advantage, and the similarity in function, they will most likely get the job done better together than each unit within acting on its own.

Powerfist!

Why... why doesn't every single space marine sergeant have a powerfist? sure its pricey, sure they might never need it. But today. In a small battle a friend and I had, his black templar sergeant did SOOOOO much damage with just a single powerfist. Now, I've fought powerfists before. I've even used them mahself before. But this guy, just rolled soooooo well. And for the first time in all my years of warhammer, I had my ass handed to me by pretty much a single average space marine. So why powerfist crazy? well, in a small game, that's a big deal. We're talkin 500 point game. and this guy took out not just my sentinel, but a building, and all my snipers. Oh, and a squad with a commissar and a squad of stormtroopers. ALL thanks to this one guy. so yeh. never again shall I let my friends new black templar army within 12 inches of me again. EVER. and since we don't take a single step back... that means makin' them step back...aka die. lol

Using Straken In Heroic Battles

When it comes to HQ versus HQ most armies expect imperial guard to fold in like paper. Well not if we use our good friend Colonel Straken. And especially not if you kit him right. How does one kit him properly? well, depends. There are a few builds you can run with.

Anti-Space Marine Captain: A priest, the charge and a medic are all you need here. No matter what you're gettin hit first, but thats alright, you got enough lads. But when you hit, just pierce their WS with the priests reroll to hits. and take him down with your str 7 power weapon. Easy peasy.

Anti-warboss: Don't expect to just run straken up and beat a warboss. Actually, straken would just get flattened if he and his men didn't take him out in the shooting phase. The one thing you have here is initiative. The warboss most likely will have a powerclaw. If so, straken could possibly take one wound from the warboss in CC reliably. But any more than that, you're asking too much. SO if you wanna live, take Nork Deddog, or spam meltaguns. No point in a medic in CC here. Ranged combat is your best bet here.

Anti-IG: the only real guy you have to look out for (other than another straken) is yarrick. But you should be able to take him out pretty easily just with strakens statline alone, so a priest for good measure, just incase you come across another straken.

Anti-Demon: Nork is a must here. Against the higher strengths, his toughness, and ability to take wounds for the Colonel, combined with the Colonels own close combat strengths, you got a winning duo. But if you don't wanna fork out the points for nork, just invest in a few more lascannons throughout the army.

Anti-tyrant: well, the key here with straken, is to get the charge. Do that, and with the additions of str and initiative, you might stand a chance. Cant do that? then pray you got the right guns, or a priest by your side.

At the end of the day Straken is still hard as nails, and its only through his prowess, and unexpected strengths that he can win the day. Not to mention he makes your average guardsmen pretty decent in CC

Marauder Bomber

For those of you who don't know, Marauder Bombers are the workhorse of the imperium's bombers. They do everything from bomb shit, to bomb shit thats like 10000 miles away. SO what are they like in game? well, they carry 12 bombs, have a tailgunner that fires twinlinked heavy bolters, nose mounted twinlinked lascannons, a turret mounted twinlinked heavy bolter. and uh... none of that matters but the 12 bombs. So yeah. Basically, anywhere this bad boy flies (and it can fly anywhere) it can drop up to 12 bombs in one bombing run over where it flew. NOW that said, only 12 bombs to drop. But since you only have 3 structure points, with a flimsy armor 10. might as well drop them on entry, and when that happens, you can drop them from anywhere to where your marauder is. so how use? well, whenever it comes in from reserve, find a good large amount of enemy infantry, or tanks. And just drop trow and let loose the payload. Each bomb is a str 6 ap 4 apoc barrage template. And the blast comes from the center, so cover is hard to get. Just aim for infantry, leave the tanks up to the rest, if you can, hit a tank tho, as it hits top armor. well, that's about it on the marauder. Other than that, use the remainder of its weapons how you see fit. At the very least at this point go for an apocalyptic explosion with it. Just fly over an enemy unit that will certainly kill it, and they don't know any better than to just shoot the shit out of it. and boom, it should blow up and kill somethin else with an even bigger explosion. lol, well, have fun, and love your bombers, and they will love you too.

Fall of Theorah Campaign part 004

As winter set on the planet of Theorah, The legions of the lost and the damned suffered hundreds of casualties a day due to their lack of equipment or care from the Sons of the Grave. Helcius scoffed at their frailty. Meanwhile, the unwary alliance of Space Marine and Tau was fraying at the seams. The Commander of the Lost and The Damned, Warlord Karkan, understood the necessity of getting deeper into the city before the cold truly came on in full force, so he decided to move, even if Helcius would not.

TLatD Push against the city

Mission Objective:
apocalypse and cities of death, objectives

Forces:
TLatD
4000 points
strategic assets and stratagems:
snipers
combat engineers
plunging fire
scheduled bombardment
tank riders
on my coordinates


Tau
4000 points

strategic assets and stratagems:
combat engineers
plunging fire
power station
obstacles
minefield
bunkers

Victor: TLatD
Aftermath
when it comes down to it, snipers really do make a difference in the rubble of 40k's cities of death. See, ratlings have their uses when against Tau. Everysingle turn I had at least two units pinned, thanks to mortars and snipers. in apocalypse two units isn't a whole lot, but in the scheme of things, per turn, thats doin some damage. The real kicker here was just how effective imperial guard are in cities. The whole real point of the match was for both me and my friend who each have the largest armies to clash.

Highlight Reel (translation of ingame moment) (yeah that's right, I just added a segment! wanna fight about it? didn't think so!):

So basically, one of my squads had been moving up steadily along one side of the board, taking cover and such when they came to a large intersection, where two tau bunkers were, and a minefield. The Tau had so much fire pouring down onto that intersection it was halting my entire advance. We're talkin two broadsides, three hammer heads, and over 30 firewarriors, all centered around their power station. My leman russes were giving a platoon a ride to the right, they were taking the real brunt of the damage. meanwhile, my squad moving up the left, snuck up and planted a melta bomb on one of the bunkers, the resulting facepalm of my opponent, was totally worth it. Not to mention when my basalisks took out his power station and my autocannons made short work of the remaining forces. So my MVP goes to bastonne and his lads for making their fantastic little stunt possible, and creating the first crack in their defenses, for which the rest to crumble around.

Over Priced

Some units are inevitably over priced, and some of those units tug at my fluffy heart strings. Particularly Vanguard Veterans from the Space Marine Codex. I go out of my way to make guardsmen assaulty, but to make Marines assaulty, that's somethin else entirely. Why? because its semi-doable, compared to guardsmen anyway. Here's the problem, one Vanguard vet the way I like to take them, is worth 60 points a pop. yeah, 60 points per space marine. Thats one incredibly pricey unit. So why do I do it? why does anyone do it? its badass. The tournament types learned to not read what I have to say long ago, so here I am for the fluff types, and I say do it. I mean, if you want to see space marines deepstrike with thunderhammers, and assault the turn they arrive, GO FOR IT. Sure they'll die. Sure you won't get your points worth. But provide a punch your opponent wont forget. Hit him so hard with that unit, with 20 str 8 power weapon attacks, out of nowhere. and you will be on your way to killing whatever the fuck it is you want. Just make it count!

Creating Characters

One of the reasons I feel that armies like Tau and Tyrannids, and especially necrons don't make it into the most popular armies, is they just CAN'T win hearts and minds. There's no personality there. Between communists, bugs and robots, where the hell are you gunna squeeze in a little character? As Imperial Guard, I'm the most human of all the races, literally. Thats far from why I chose it, but it ended up being one of the coolest parts of the job. See, with so many men, I have quite a few leaders. Each leader being someone I have based off a friend. Most of my friends don't play warhammer, and its an interesting thing when I say, hey, wanna see your model? and all of the sudden its far more interesting. Obviously, if you play orks, its hard to get that in there, but oh well, your characters will just have to be THAT much more creative. How do you come up with a character based off a friend? First off, you have to choose a role for your friend. Are they well liked? are they leaders? are they average troops? or specialist troops? can they fulfill their role well? or are they bad at it? if so, is it funny? Sometimes I'm tasteless about it, like all my dead friends are in a squad of men that are all dying, and the most leaderly of my dead friends is the sergeant who is looking on in horror. Its tasteless, but I still find it rather funny. (yeah, I have enough dead friends to fill a squad). Next up we have their weapons loadout. Most of them will be defined by their role, but sometimes, particularly the leaders can have a lot more character in their loadout. For example, my more reserved friends get ranged, my more intense friends get close combat. I like to make characters from the game, and fill their special rules for my friends, for example, Chenkov, is replaced with Wally, and he is able to have a similar mindset, and fits well with how I field my army. Lastly, how you use them on the table is up to you, but I find making the decisions you think that they would make, makes them roll better, and makes for a better story.

Plasma or Melta?

Melta has one more and more debates than plasma has ever dreamed of winning, and with that in mind, I side with plasma. Plasma may be more expensive, it may be weaker, and it may have a slight chance of killing the user. SO? plasma is a 24 inch range weapon, that can pierce space marine armor, and wounds them on a 2+ I'm sold. Not only am I sold, but I'll effin buy it all. In fact, in each squad for two platoons I have I have a plasmagun, and a plasmapistol for a total of 12 plasma weapons, at close range, thats 18 plasma shots. Combine that with the 6 rocket launchers, and in six squads I'm gettin 24 ap 3 or lower shots, so space marines, you can suck it, no saves. Melta, you don't get that, melta you get 6 shots to my 18, and with less range. while you may be str 10, I'll stick with my plasma, and as far as points go, I don't mind, they miss 50% of the time, so more shots is worth the higher price. And as far as the dying goes, theres a 12% chance a guardsmen will die everytime they fire one of the guns, so what? they're guardsmen, there's more. so melta, have your overpowered BS :p

Background Check: Imperial Guard: Wake 325th

The Founding of the Wake 325th was alongside the 324th 326th 327th and 328th. The previous regiments, of the 320th 321st 322nd 323rd and 324th, after a decade of service, were all combined to form the now elite corps of the 324th. All of the NCO's and senior officers of the newly founded regiments come from those previous regiments. The latest regiments were raised to fight the Sons Of The Grave, and their mercenary allies, the Roi.

Based on their homeworld of swamps and sprawling oceans, the men of Wake grow up tough, and adapt well to the harsh and damp conditions of trench warfare, and amphibious assaults. All of the nearby planets in the system must travel to Wake for their training, as its sole export is these fine warriors. Sharp as knives, and as brave as they come the men of Wake love what they do, and they do it well. Priding accuracy above all, the worst man in these regiments is as good as the best in many other regiments.

The Wake 325th particularly faces the most challenges. They are usually the first in, and receive reinforcements from the other regiments as they inevitably take casualties. The 325th usually bears the brunt of assaults, and does the majority of the legwork as well. The 324th, while superior in equipment and training, is spread throughout the regiment, as a grenadiers, and often times small units of these will pair up with the 325th to spearhead their assaults. Otherwise the 324th spends the majority of their time filling the role of special forces.

The 326th usually finds itself caught in the middle, between a front line unit, and a reserve unit. Next to the 325th, they receive the majority of reinforcements, as they also tend to take part in the larger operations.

the 327th and 328th are rotated in after the 325th, and 326th need to be pulled out. The majority of the 325th is at this point, former 327th and 328th boys, as their casualties have mounted to such large numbers.

The 325th is now lead by the charismatic Captain Colt, following the death of Captain De Gaul. Colt is a capable leader, and one who like his mentor before him, leads from the front. Lieutenants Parry, Wal, and Fox, are the junior officers. Each one has a distinct personality, and way of fighting. Parry prefers his mastercrafted lasgun and marksmanship above all else. He's quiet, but always gets the job done. He is generally well respected, and makes little effort to control his men. Given such freedom, his men are generally more independent, and make for fantastic scouts, as well as holding vital objectives. Wal, or Wally, as he is nicknamed, is a charismatic, if over eager, officer. He cares little for the lives of his men, and will gladly throw away their lives to earn another medal. After the death of his 1st sergeant, and close friend "other" Nikolai, he particularly keeps his distance from his men. However, few can stir the men into action faster than Wally, as his great fiery tirades instill courage and pride into the men before battle. Its not that Wally enjoys watching his men die, so much as the more they die, the less likely the enemy will aim at him. Lastly we have Fox. Fox is technically even senior to Colt in years of service, but due to De Gauls favor of Colt, Colt received the promotion. Fox was brought in as a replacement for the previous Lieutenant Frie, who was executed by commissar Whyl, for heresy and cowardice in the field of battle, which ultimately led to the death of half his platoon. Fox is perhaps the most liked of all the officers, known as much for his level head as he is for his fantastic handlebar mustache. Fox is generally a great thinker, and Colt's closest adviser.

Commissars are treated with great respect throughout the regiment, and universally they respect the men. Few regiments are as indoctrinated in the imperial faith as the men of Wake. Having been designed with the imperial guard in mind, Wake has many temples and missionaries, so that each and every member of their society could firmly hold their faith in the God Emperor. Each and every man knows as many litanies and hymns as a any man in any other regiment. Such is their faith that a priest accompanies every single platoon, as well as a commissar.

The regiment of the 325th earned the nickname "Wardogs" by the populace of the forest planet Belleau. So it was that the 325th came to be called, the Wardogs of Wake, for their ferocity in combat, particularly ugly faces and leathery skin.

Favoring intense physical training, each man of the Wake is instilled with effective training in use of their KA-8412 bayonet. As well intensive hand to hand training, such that against any and all foes, they may hold their ground effectively, and to the last.

Apocalypse Strategic Assets Review

Without going over all of them, I want to discuss a few of them that I really, really, like.

First up, lets discuss the Imperial Shield Company. In essence, it's exactly what I field as my regular army. 3 platoons, with a company commander, and heavy weapons squads galore. And, it comes with 3 strategic assets! each of which, I would take on its own. But I get them freeeeeee!
Those three are scheduled bombardment, on my coordinates, and defense line. So we get 3 orbital bombardments, which are fantastic clocking in at str 8 and ap 3, only problem is, we have to place them prior to knowing when units will be there. So it could be a total waste of time, but hey, its freeeeee, for me, if it wasn't free, I'd still take it, because its awesome. Second, we get on my coordinates, which is awesome, because it's an orbital bombardment, and it never scatters :D only problem, its right over your own guys. But here's the real problem, I don't give a fuck about killing my own guys, its a boss last ditch thing to do anyways, I do care, about the fuck you over clause at the bottom. It has to be on a model with a vox caster. Now don't get me wrong, I don't hate vox casters, but I already used up my "fucking useless" slot for my command squads, on standards. So as a house rule, we just say it goes right on the officer, not on the vox caster, because lets face it, I'm not slappin down vox casters just for apocalypse. Lastly, and most usefully, we get defense line, or otherwise known as, 36 inches of 3+ terrain. thats right, mah lads have the armor of space marines, or terminators if I use veterans. Let's see how you space marine players like that!

Next up, the non shield company assets, I would love to take all of the above, even if I didn't have shield company, only because I think that that's all totally awesome. Anywho, other useful ones include, but are not limited to bunkers, obstacles, minefields, hold at all costs, tank riders, and blind barrage. Those are mostly self explanatory in use. Tank riders I think shouldn't be as costly as it is. I just don't see it competing with a slot like bunkers does, or obstacles. If you really want movement, go ahead and take the incredibly over powered, strategic redeployment. Strategic redeployment blows my mind with how over powered it is. Gotta green tide with over 300 orks in it? well guess what?! they can all instantly be within 12 inches of your opponent. Why bother running all the way across the board? just instantly and rediculously teleport all the way there. Wanna know that your waagh next turn is a good call? go ahead and make sure your ladz are twelve inches away and get a free measurement for that charge that you'll be doing. >:I sometimes I wonder why the hell they make rules like that. woah, you thought my army was this way? nope. now its totally different. Want to get that linebreaker squadron of vindicators up? go ahead. Tired of your superheavies moving a whomping 6 inches? go ahead. Want to make sure your opponent wasted his time going after your basalisks? go ahead and move them all the way away. BULL SHIT. makes no sense. Superhuman effort? instantly running miles? not buying it.

ANYWHO thats about it. I like some of the others, but the ones above are what I would take over any of the others. Except you strategic redeployment. Except you....

Horde Shooting Tactics 101

So you bought a ton of imperial guard models, good job. And you fielded them, and you went to fire that squad in the rear, and your opponent blows your mind with the fact that, your men are firing through another unit, to get to his unit. Now, when you thought you had 100 guardsmen to fire, you just had the front rank of units, which is probably around 60, yet you paid for far more, in points, money, and well, when they all died.

SO how does one fix this!? simple, be smart with your deployment. Each model has a priority, heavy weapons, they're first in line when I deploy. Sergeants, right behind em. Special weapons, right beside them. Everyone else? well, hold them off. Make sure as you deploy the rest of your army, you give those models line of sight. The sergeant doesn't need it, but he does need to be close so everyone else can be killed off, and that group can stay together. Where's the logic in this for reality? well, if you notice the guy with the biggest gun goes down, what do you do? or, what are you ordered to do? if you're a coward. You pick it up! so one could say, that cluster of more valuable units dies, and the remainder take their place.

Another trick, because, not all models will have the good fortune of being those, is to build terrain with elevation differences. Models are always happier the higher up they go. one house rule we have is that models in the upper stories don't have to include the downward angle when measuring range. though, the lads getting shot at, in order to retaliate, must include the angle. It gives height a bonus to range, but not one that is overpowered, as we don't abuse this.

Lastly, take advantage of barrage weapons, nothing makes it easier to fire through a gunline, than firing over it. If you don't want to fork out for a basalisk, or heavy weapons teams, just to make them puny 60 point mortars, one of the things I like to do is just take two regular guardsmen, and give them mortar team arms, sometimes I wont even do that, and put the mortars on pokerchips, it works, and is still legal, as some of the other armies, are sold that way, i.e. mordian iron guard heavy weapons teams.

so there we go! nothing too complicated, just the basics of firing when there isn't room for everyone to have LOS.

Small Elite Guard Armies

When I first started, everything I based my army on, was the United States Marine Corps, we were light infantry, who relied on cover, but were more than happy to get to grips with the enemy if it came down to it. With the addition of the new codex, I dramatically shifted the focus of my army, from being small and elite, to a more massive army based on the awesome scale of the imperial guard armies of the literature. Every now and again, I find myself asking why I made the shift? and the only reason I can find, is that firepower became more important than quality of troops. With the platoon system I get a whole lot more out of my points. Ranks and ranks of guardsmen do win more battles. But, it is fun to be small and elite sometimes, so lets take a look at how to go about this.

First off, HQ, since you don't have Lieutenants in an all veteran list, all the orders will be coming from your HQ, so make sure you have a good one, like straken or, in this case, creed. I prefer creed for this, as his 24 inch command radius, and 4 orders a turn really help make up for the lack of lieutenants. Also, take as many heavy weapons as you can with creed, as you will certainly have a lack of heavy weapons here. So I recommend taking two mortars and a master of ordinance here. As that will really boost your firepower.

Next up, the veterans. So everyone here, if you want to play to win anyway, should have cameleoline. For the same reason real marines don't wear that much armor, 4+s don't save against much, especially when you can get a 3+ coversave, or even a 2+ if you know what you're doing. As far as what gear, well, take what you want! I think a squad of three snipers, and a mortar team, would do a fine job together, but not great enough to give to everyone so just make that like one squad. The basis, should be the autocannon, and either grenade launcher, or plasmagun. Take your pick. Shotguns, not very useful, at least not until we get str 4 like black templar :/

Heroes, I recommend taking as many as possible, leadership is key to a small army.

elites, feel free to take stormtroopers, or ratlings, ogryns are alright, but waaay to expensive.

Transports, don't need em, between move move move, and 3+ coversaves, why bother?

Tanks, one or two maybe, but use them more like bunkers, in that they should be sitting back and shooting all game long, camo netting, not a bad idea, not a bad idea at all.

Vendettas/valkyries, good, but if you take any, I don't really know what you'd use them for, I mean, anti tank should be covered by your tanks and infantry, and whats the point in being mobile? other than last minute rushes, which, lets face it, we won't be doing here.

Sentinels, take em, with camo netting, and with lascannons. Anti tank, and anti heavy infantry, and nearly indestructible if used properly. Especially worth their points.

That pretty much covers it. Using these lads is simple, set up camp, open fire, and straight up kill your enemy :D

Bereft of Boltguns

So, riddle me this folks. If humanity has the technology to make a gyrojet assault rifle, and they have the technology to equip large, large, numbers of space marines with them (one space marine to a planet my ass) and then they also have the technology to make laserbeam guns, which I imagine is only moderately easier, I mean, fuckers shoot lasers. and somehow the lasgun, is more rugged? easier to manufacture, and the Space Marines, who's whole thing is autonomous operation, get the gun that needs resupplying in the form of ammo? I mean, a lasgun can be recharged, need more ammo? go and get it recharged, or get a new clip, while the old one is "recycled". I mean, how hard is it to find the logic in all this? but that's not what this rant is about, its about, me wanting boltgun equipped guardsmen. The WORST gun in the game, hands down, the lasgun. Even the orks, the fucking orks, are better at shooting than a guardsmen, simply because his gun is better. ORKS!!!

So, all we need, is a better gun option. I mean, orks come in three flavors (Gretchin, shoota, and slugga choppa), space marines come in three flavors (scouts, tacs, and sternguard (sternguard count, cuz they can indeed score with the right army)), and tyrannid come in three flavors with their termaguants, hormaguants, and guants. WHY is it that each of those units can be differently kit, while the guard, we get three flavors too, but they are all the same thing. Conscript, guardsman, veteran. And the conscripts are overpriced, and the veterans aren't different enough to TRULY matter. If I could give my veterans hotshot lasguns, or boltguns, or ANYTHING but a lasgun (shotguns are UP too >:I ) I would. But I cannot. SO :(

One thing we can do, is confuse our enemies with how we are all the same. But I've written an article on that so hit it up here

Making the Most of it

once a year, there's that fantastic game that you and your buds will always talk about. How is it, that the models seem to come to life, and the dice roll in those strange ways? like, losing 5 terminators in a single turn, by rolling all those ones against lasguns. I think part of it is similar to the waaagh effect. See, if you make the experience more than just what it is, then the experience is so much better. You just gotta find what makes your experience better, and how to summon that on a whim. The thing is, the majority of your games, will be mediocre. And nothing worthy of noting. BUT, make things boss, and they will be boss! there is no try, only do.

fall of theorah campaign 003

With knowledge of such an assault underway the Imperials are truly face to face with the horror of losing their planet to the clutches of chaos. Sent on a planned diplomatic envoy, by the governor, a tau expeditionary force arrived, and much to the dislike of the space marines, was a wary ally. Chaos however, was in search of no such aid, and blasted half of the fleet apart before they could even land, the debris landing throughout much of the already wartorn desolate world.

Battle for the outskirts:

Mission objective:
capture and hold three ruined buildings

Deployment:
Space Marines and tau in center, chaos, control of the rest of the board

Forces:
Vykar 500
White Crescents 500
Tau Expeditionary Force 500

Sons of the Grave 500
Lost and the Damned 500
orks 500
tyranids 500

Special Rules:
Infighting: The orks, tyranids, and chaos forces are all distrusting of one another, at the begining of your turn, roll for each unit, on a roll of a one, an imperial or tau player takes control of that unit, however, they may not fire on your own army i.e. no imperial guard shooting at one another.

Victor: Chaos
Aftermath:
With the infighting rule in effect, the way we deployed negated the usefulness of it, with each army on a different table edge. and with the points advantage, we really creamed the imperials here, again, the failure of the two space marine armies to work together continued to give us an advantage.

Fall of Theorah campaign 002

With the progress of the orks and tyranids slowing down, as the infighting between the two grew, and with the recent arrival of aid, from the two nearby space marine chapters, the Vykar, and the White Crescents, Helcius made his next move. To land his warband upon the planet, and to make their presence known.

Mission:
Space marines have one objective, in their deployment zone, and whoever has it in the end wins, if no one does, chaos still wins.

Deployment:
regular 12 inch sides

armies:
1000 points Vykar
1000 points White Crescents

1000 points lost and the damned
1000 points sons of the grave

Victor: chaos
Aftermath:
Using a rather large amount of conscripts, I used my men as massive meatshields, whilst the Sons of the Grave advanced behind them, and long story short, we won, hard, as the space marine chapters did not compliment one another, at all. CC based, and terminator based, led to basically a shooting gallery for my lads, and a massive swamp of CC whilst chaos got the charges that mattered, and the space marines were left out in the open, as my men retreated, only to have a fresh wave sent in

Know Thine Enemy

Now, I've always been a good little boy, and never illegally downloaded codecies, and my friends, don't want to waste their money on one, so I never get to read their codecies, and learn up on my opponents, which is for me, very frustrating, and I have lost more than one battle due to moral conduct. So recently, I found a hobby shop that had the codecies, and I sat there in the store and read and read and read. If they had a problem with it, they didn't show it, and whatever, its not like I have to know the book cover to cover.

SO I read the chaos space marine and marine codex, and I wrote a list for each, and I'm shocked at how small the armies seem. my 1750 list outnumbers theirs 3 to one. Not that that's even a great advantage, fudgin 3+ saves. So anyway, I learned a few special rules, and I learned a few of the basics, and now I feel totally different about walking on to the field of battle against them. Instead of, what the hell? why is that unit wounding on 2+s all the time out of nowhere? now its, oh, they have special munitions ah. So I must say, even if you have to download them, read up on all the armies you can, at least all the armies you fight regularly. Do so, and you will be better prepared. And knowing, is half the battle!

background check: orks

So, if you know me, then you know I love a good background to an army. So, with the arrival in a few months of a waagh, my waaagh, it had better have some kickass background. So I wanted something viking themed, if I'm going to have a close combat related army, its just begging for an excuse to be viking related. So my waaagh, Waaaagh Baksluh, is the Axe 'ead tribe. I'll only touch up on the highlights, as I have already written 10 pages of background fluff. First and foremost, is their love of hair squigs. And in order to fit more hair squigs on, they put them, not on their head, but on their chins, basically forming giant beards. The more powerful and wealthy the ork, the more hair squigs he gets. These are almost as valuable to these orks as teef. Next up, (and to much anger from the internets) big choppas are favored above all other forms of weaponry. And (also to the chagrin of the interwebs) eavy armor. Oh, and no bikes, and no trukks, and no battlewagons, and no vehicles period. The reason?! well, besides, I just loooooove hordes too much to spend any points on anything else, my lads is obsessed with only building gargants. They say, why bother with the small stuff, none of that is useful compared to a gargant! so they naturally, make tons of gargants. But beyond that, another reason they are backward, they "grew up" on a feral world, and they, well, played the role of vikings. They build longboats, and ate fishes, but in order to make fish palatable to the ork diet, they had to let them rot first. They took slaves, burned churches, and generally made lots and lots of war. All led by, warboss Baksluh, and his pet grot, Wolly. When they were found by the orks of the Goff tribe, turns out, they were from the Goffs, and that explained their high amount of ladz, and nobz, and relatively low amount of trickery. The Goffs however, had been fairly disappointed in the way the Axe 'eads hadn't adopted some of the newer things. One thing all the Axe 'eads did take to, was making space fairing vessels. And their vessels, along with their fantastic alcohol brews, were worth almost twice as much teef as any other kind. The Axe 'eads didn't take much to looting weapons, but they love silver, and torching the treasures of others. While most orks think its a good laugh to burn some one, and watch them do the "burny dance" the Axe 'eads love the misery of a slave watching their beloved heirlooms and places of worship burn.

so there we go, sorry bout a bit of the ranting, but I really like the ideas there. as far as models go, I think I'll buy some black orcs from warhammer fantasy, and they will form my nobz, and I'll buy a fantasy warboss for his kit, and make me a warboss from that. As far as the boyz go, its ebay assault on black reach ladz all the way. And using straws, cardboard, and lots of green stuff, I'll get my storm boyz yet. Can't think of why the Axe 'eads would like storm boyz, other than they are very militarily organized, when compared to other tribes. Baksluh loves to discipline him some ladz. well, I'm sure I'll keep you all over-informed as my mind continues to churn out awesome sauce

Stormboyz

So, after trying out a few things in vassal 40k, I have decided to alter my ork army plans. And it will incorporate a TON of stormboyz. Why stormboyz? well, I like stormboyz, that's why! so how to do it, without breaking the bank? at $25 for only five models, they are just waaay too pricey for what I'm lookin' for. BUT what's the difference between a stormboy and a boy? the rokkit pack, that's all. So, the trick is less, finding money, but finding alternative rokkit packs. Can you say scratchbuild? so plan is to come up with a few designs of rokkit packs. I'll inform you all with pictures, when it happens, but, as of right now, that's a good 3 months away. The next big hurdle, is tactics. I'm never one to just, choose an army, I want to choose an army, and learn how it ticks. Whether or not it's a good army is irrelevant. Stormboyz are twice the price, of a regular boy. And they gain only a rokkit pack, which helps them travel 12 + d6 inches, in the movement phase alone. They can, in theory, go 24 inches in one turn if they get the assault down right. The other thing they get, and this is often overlooked, is stikk bombs. They get them on their profile, so its really two things they get for twice the price of a regular boy. Other than that, it's hard to justify the points. They may also deepstrike, but at the loss of assault, all that would do is shorten a turn of enemy shooting at them, and that will be later on in the game. If the opponent is imperial guard, I could see deepstrike being useful, because as the game wears on, they will have less to shoot at the stormboyz with, and all it will take is really two turns of having stormboyz down to ruin their life, and the deepstrike could eliminate the alphastrike effect on the stormboyz.

That said, regular deployment is preferable for me. And zagstruk makes stormboyz more about him, than, well, stormboyz, and I don't like that, even if they get to assault the turn they deepstrike with him. So what do I take exactly? 20 stormboyz is preferable for a single unit, two units of 20 is perfect, as they will provide a screen for your boyz, as well as be dead killy if they ever make it in cc. I don't expect them necessarily to survive, so I try to keep their kit light. The nob has a bosspole, a big choppa, and eavy armor. Thats right, I like eavy armor and big choppas! just because its not a 3+ save doesn't mean it sucks, and just because it doesn't make your attacks strength 8, also doesn't mean it sucks! its still an 84% chance to wound.

So overall strategy? if the opponent is packing heavy anti infantry, and I know I could break them if I just make it in assault, deepstrike aint bad. If they are most armies, then basic book straight up the table, is about all the tactics you'll need.

Cowards?!

So, Beasts of War just put up a video, this one. and they called out guardsmen, and called them cowards! Not just a casual, oh they flee all the time, no it was straight up, they are pussies. SO in retaliation, I am going to focus this article, on the art of standing your ground. For a very long time now, I have been shown to be a fan of commissars, there's no arguing with a .75 caliber bullet. They are pretty straight forward, slap them in a unit, they won't run, combine squads to further the effect of a single commissar. NEXT UP, we have Straken, and Chenkov. both of these characters give off the stubborn special rule, which is VERY important to weathering a morale check. Not only this, but they both have the ability to rally a unit nearby who is fleeing. Those traits alone make them worth taking, letalone combined with their other rules. SO do this, and your guardsmen won't be labeled "cowards" Take that darrel! :-)

The Art of the Flanking Maneuvre

No I'm not talking about outflank, but running your units up the side of the board. Often times this is preferable to running up the middle, simply because half the units will be fighting you. And if you made your board right, you'll be in cover the whole way there >:D

The most important thing is to do this only when the map allows this. Meaning, if there is suitable cover to keep your men in cover until they are bashing in some heads. DON'T do this, if your opponent has planned accordingly, meaning there are enough models there to stop you.

Followup cover. At some point your models, hopefully anyway, will be on the other side of the table, make sure there is cover there as well, you never want to be out in the open! imagine if the deathstar just had a 4+ invulnerable save, there's a 50% chance we'd be watching star wars episode 4, No Hope.

Very lastly, fight what your deathstar is good at fighting, if its good at fighting everything, first kill what can kill it, or if the game is already far along, kill what can lose you the game, meaning anything that can kill your troops.

Vassal 40k

Yesterday a buddy and I decided to download vassal 40k, which is a gaming system designed to play 40k from afar. It's super clunky, and we don't know how to use it very well at all. However, as far as playing warhammer with a buddy who isn't exactly in the neighborhood, this works great. And also, no models necessary, just a codex and a rulebook.

The only thing is it is really difficult to use, however we're desperate for any medium that lets us do this, so we're mostly willing to overlook any of the technical difficulties. I recommend it if you want to get into the hobby, as you can test out your models and techniques and such. Hrm... ima go do that right now. Gunna check out if 30 guardsmen can beat 60 orks if used properly, doubtful, but possible mwuahahaha

The Lost and The Damned

So, what are The Lost and The Damned? Chaos Imperial Guard :D! So what about these lads? well, for starters, they are one of the most numerous foes of mankind, yet they are one of the least popular armies. Understandably so, I mean if you want to be evil why play them? why not chaos space marines? or daemons? where is the cool in renegade guard? well for starters, I looooooove the look. I mean, the whole shebang of mutants and whatnot. The fact every guardsmen can be unique, and you wont be just "another guard army" You'll be the Lost and The Damned.

So not that I'll collect them, at least for a long time, because I already have a guard army. BUT that doesn't mean I can't dream. So I've seen some really cool TLATD armies lately, mostly on Dakkadakka, but the point of it all remains the same. A unique guard army, comprised of heavily converted models and heavily awesome stuff. My favorite idea comes from lost planet two, there was a guy in that who had iron chains for dreadlocks...that would just be so awesome.

Fall of Theorah Part 001

Having single handedly slaughtered many of the citizens of Karlona, Helcius performed the rituals to sacrifice their souls and to have the eye of Nurgle upon himself so he may request his aid. His request was for the redirection of a space hulk lost in the warp, so that it would collide with the mining world Theorah, and unleash the darkness within the Space Hulks inner caverns. Granting his wish in return for the corpses of the slain, Helcius returned to his fleet, and they pulled out of the system.

50 years to the day after the ritual of Karlona, the space hulk's long journey from the warp to the planet of Theorah was complete. The Space Hulk smashed through the planets atmosphere, and the majority of it landed on the south pole of the planet, sprinkled throughout the southern hemisphere of the planet. The majority of the pieces lay dormant, but quite a few of them stirred from within, unleashing both the horrors of orks and tyranids upon the planet.

Mission 02 Rapid Response :

Forces:
Imperial Guard - PDF
120 guardsmen and officers
2 leman russ tanks
1 basalisk
2 sentinels
1 company command

Tyrannids:
50 hormagaunts
20 termagaunts
3 carnifexes
Hive Tyrant

Orks:
60 boyz
2 warbosses
6 loota boyz
5 meganobz

Objective:
PDF forces are to engage any threats encountered, and report back. (annihilation)

Deployment: Standard

Special Rules: none

Victor: orks and nids
Aftermath: fairly straight forward game, I gave the orks and tyrannids a slight points advantage, as the players were new, and I didn't want to spice the game up with too many extra rules, so I made it a standard match, just with space hulk terrain. Overall, I was overwhelmed by the massive amount of close combat troops. The Carnifexes and Warbosses were about the only reliable anti-tank on the board, so I tried not to focus on them, as I didn't want to crush the new guys, but because I didn't I paid far too dearly, and lost the match by turn four, when both my leman russes were crushed, and what little was left of my force retreated.

Fall of Theorah campaign 000

I'm going to write what happened in my most recent campaign , feel free to take from this what you want, it's less about individual battles and more about the narrative, but here's what went down:

Participating armies:
Imperial Guard (me) - lost and the damned traitors
Chaos Space marines - Sons of the grave
Tau - Expeditionary Force
Space Marines - Vykar chapter
Space Marines - White Crescent Chapter
Orks - Waaagh Gurragok
Tyranids - Hive Fleet Behemoth splinter

Alright, so as you can see, plenty of armies, plenty of narrative.

Background: Theorah, is a mountainous and barren planet, fairly devoid of life, all except for a few sparse mining colonies, each one struggling to make quota under the massive imperial tithe. It's resource is mostly Iron and Copper, but the planet is so rich with it, it bears defending. Hoping to cut off the majority of the supply line in the region, the chaos warband under chaos champion Helcius plotted the takeover of the rather unprotected planet as their opening move in taking the region. Wanting to draw out the imperials, and remain rather undetected, Helcius ventured out to gain the favor of the chaos gods, something he hoped to be rewarded for in more ways than one.

mission 000 Fortunate Son:
Helcius has traveled to a small agricultural world of Karlona segundus and alone he must initiate his plan.

Forces:
Sons of the Grave:
Helcius

PDF/local populace:
40 guardsmen
2 sentinels
40 civilians fielded in family units of 4 WS1 S2 T2 I2 LD 3 W1 A 1

Objective:
no more than 25% of the civilians may make it to the opposite board edge alive for a chaos victory, if more than 25% make it, then imperial victory is achieved.

Deployment: imperial units deploy within 12 inches of the short board edge on the left, Helcius may deploy anywhere on the board, as long as he remains one inch away from enemy units.

Special Rules:
Faster Than Thy Neighbor: when rolling to see how far a civilian unit may run roll 2 d6 and choose the highest. And also roll an additional d6 for difficult terrain.

Reign In Blood: Helcius may charge 12 inches in the assault phase, and may roll an additional d6 when consolidating from close combat.

Planetary Defense Force: all guardsmen count as conscripts for their stat profile.


Victor: Chaos Space Marine
aftermath:I really enjoyed playing this one, it was kind of an ego boost for the chaos player, but whatever, It was one of those, lets just see how many models we can kill kind of games. In the end not one civilian made it out, I think the whole charging 12 inches may have been over powered, but I dunno, I think it still fits. If you want to play a similar campaign, this is a mission you could cut out, and just say mission accomplished automatically. But it's just a kind of game to open up with, while you're waiting on the other players and you are anxious for some gaming.

Pantheon of Heroes

Great feats are necessary, and a common occurrence in warhammer 40k. So obviously we strive to field these heroes, and its an easy way to add "character" to an army. HOWEVER, I believe instead of a select few mighty heroes that are sprinkled throughout each codex, I think every fighting man is a hero. So that said, I either want the ability to field multiple of the "same" hero, or be able to make my own. Most often I just make my own, and regardless of characters, everyone in my army has a name, and unit number. If I could, I'd give them each a special rule, no matter the point cost. But this is not so, and probably I'm better off without it. BUT, the point of all this is just to ask the question, why can't we make our own heroes within the confines of the rulebook? How hard can it be? Give me a few special rules, give them a points value, and let me select the weapons, and equipment. Codex heroes could still exist, as cheaper versions of custom heroes, but they would have downsides, like for example commander chenkov is decent in leadership, but he only packs a bolt pistol and chainsword, making him pretty mediocre in CC, so he would be cheaper than a model with his same special rules, but better equipment.

Of course I at least, will always want more special rules than they can give. But who cares?

In campaigns I always strive to give everyone involved a special character that we made up and gave a points value for. If they die, your army has to make a morale check or fall back, and there are super huge bonuses if they survive all the way to the final battle, but if they participate in a battle and win, then they get other cool rules, at the risk of them dying in the battle. Even if their model dies in battle, they are able to cling to life and are brought back after resting from one battle for 5+ determining whether they make it in the medicae facility, bio chamber or what have you. Anywho, you don't have to field your character until the final battle, but if it's their first major battle of the campaign, then they aren't going to be as skilled as a hero who has been slugging it out all campaign. Lets say that one of the characters is removed from play in the last battle, and they make their 5+ save to keep them alive for the campaign purposes, but the next battle is the final battle. At that point I let them fight, however, they only have one wound, to represent their unhealed injuries.

Finally, I just want to cover mini-heroes. When I say that I would give each of my characters a special rule if I could, I mean it. For example, 1st Sergeant Buln, he's in command of red squad (my favorite) I would give him stubborn, a shotgun, a bolt pistol, and a CC weapon, as well as carapace armor and BS 4, even though he's only a standard guardsmen sergeant. Corporal Coe I would give BS 2 but I would make his 5+ save invulnerable. Little things, complex things, but I like that, I like that alot, despite the overwhelmingness of individual characters making up a 150+ army.

Gargantuan Great Gargants

So, continuing the thought path of things that are in the future, when I get my guest army, that army being orks, I do believe I'll make them a great gargant. Why? it's cheap, it's cool, it's easy, and above all, it makes an instant apocalypse army. See, a trashcan, with some clippers or shears, instantly provides a great "dress" for the gargant. A few pieces of pipe, maybe a lightsaber toy blade or two, and we got easy good lookin cannons. Using foamboard and sprue to make all the cool little walkways. Only problem spots are the feet, the arms, and the head, but a little ingenuity works wonders. So the ultimate goal? one green tide of 100 orks and a warboss, maybe more, but that's the gist, and they'll load up in my Great Gargant. Of course it's easy to say these things, but I foresee this as an awesome thing, and very plausible.

Guest Armies

One of the things I'm going to have to tackle soon, is having a guest army. Lets start off with why have a guest army.

Basically, a guest army is an army for friends who don't want to pay for models, or people deciding whether or not they want to get into the hobby, before they buy their own army. So if you have one, you can get more people into the hobby. It will also give you another army to play with when you wanna spice up the game. It will also add much to the pictures you take, just guardsmen running firing at nothing, and manning defenses is getting a weeee bit old.

What is a good guest army to have? Space Marines, Chaos space Marines, Orks, and necrons, are great guest armies. Why those armies? space marines (and therefore chaos space marines) and orks are part of the assault on black reach box set, meaning, ebay sells these models like worms a tackle shop, its just the bread and butter of warhammer sales. That said, necrons are also cheap, due to high model points cost, and basic logic, necron warriors, plus moniliths, equals done.

Now how to buy one :D Me, I'm torn between iron warriors, and orks, but I'm going orks, because, well, I like orks a little bit more, and I love horde armies too much to not get another.

So here's plan >:D Buy orks, lots and lots of orks for cheap, I really mean, LOTS AND LOTS of orks. Upwards of 120. Then buy two warbosses. DONE. I'll periodically add more, as I go, but it's a thought. Orks also make a fine starting army tactically. See, the main objective, simple, get into CC. If they lose men, they have more. Tactical errors are few and far between, and thats always good for new guys.

Cuz if You're Not Hardcore!!!

Every gaming group has that one super hardcore guy. You can pick him out pretty easily. And in both of my groups (thats right, I have TWO groups) I'm the hardcore guy. Now it's pretty easy to become one yourself if you have the drive. But one big obstacle, is this most often means other responsibilities. Such as getting more people into the hobby, building terrain, hosting the events, writing the campaigns, and sometimes, having multiple armies, so others can play too, just to see if they want into the hobby.

Lets focus today, on recruitment. If you want to be a happy gamer, surround yourself with other gamers. It's a two or more person game, so yeah, more players the better! Now one important thing to remember when recruiting new players, is DON'T mention the cost of it all. Get the hook in their mouth, before you pull as hard as you can. Also, show you and your friends having a great game! and bend the rules while they're watching to make stuff more epic. If the person loves Close Combat, then show them what some deathstars can do. If they love firepower, show them volleys of well disciplined shots! Bend the game for the benefit of the beholder!

Don't have other friends? don't pull the needy card, that just pushes people away. However! do pull the old, I totally had a huge gaming group going in highschool, it was so boss. And regale them of battles of old!... that never really happened... but sound boss!

Next up don't, and I mean DON'T mention space marines. Let them find out how boss they are on their own. It's the difference between watching District 9 with low expectations and falling in love with it, and watching District 9 with high expectations, and wondering what all the hubub was about. (I know, that's no longer mainstream. - but it still applies!) If they figure out how cool space marines are in their own mind, then they're more likely to get into it, because it was "their" decision. There is a reason space marines are the poster boys, they get people into the hobby.

Lastly, if you can get people to want to play in waves of two, that's better. Two new players create the group mentality, without sacrificing valuable tutelage.

When is a gaming group at perfection? 8 players. Not 8 regular players, but if you needed to, you could definitely get all 8 together within a week. 4 hardcore players is also a good goal. 4 hardcore players that are always up for a game is just about perfect.