APOCALYPSE!!!

Ok, so let me get this straight. People pay more money, for more models, including massive models, that take eons just to put together, and people field mix and matched armies with no cohesive overall strategy, totally leaving everything up to the dice, and magnify all the bad qualities of warhammer, FOR WHAT? oh yeah, because its totally bad ass...

So how to make your games of apocalypse a little more bearable. First off, let me say, I HATE apocalypse. I mean, I love it too. But more than anything it overemphasizes the negative qualities of warhammer. Anywho, here are a few easy steps to having a better time, if like me, you cant stand apocalypse.

1. MOVEMENT TRAYS!!! this deserves like ten slots on its own. Movement trays are the difference between, moving 200 models individually, and moving 5 trays.

2. Anxious to die: the best way to get out of the headache of all the goddamn people, and all the goddamn noise, and all the goddamn stench of awful unshowered gamer, is to lose. Just run up and die. Now make a purpose to all of that though. At the very least be a meatshield for another army.

3. Pull them all together: here's a hard one to master, but a must if you wish to win. If you can get a structure of anysort going. Have a leader. Have peons, and have staff. Do that, and you can then begin to think tactics, something usually totally devoid in apocalypse.

4. Rethink what apocalypse is: perfect game of apocalypse: get 4 VS. 4. 4000 points per army. And that's it. not too large, good goal for a gaming group. And not to mention, not what most people think when it comes to apocalypse. It's still good. It's not mind blowing, and it doesn't totally suck. With a team of 4, you can coordinate better, and not to mention, you matter a hell of a lot more.

5. Field Grey Knights: moved 60 space marines... done.

6. DONT FIELD IG: moved 400 infantry plus tanks. and then rolled a one to run.

7. DONT FIELD IG!!!!!!!!!!!! remember those 400 guys? yeah? all dead. Now I have to pack them all back up... fuck my life.

8. DONT FUCKING FIELD, IMPERIAL. FUCKING. GUARD!!!: "hey IG guy, blow up their 30 tanks with your tanks...you don't have but 3 tanks?" *beats his face in*

9. just stick to regular 40k.

10: make it a climax to a campaign: HERE lies the goldmine of apocalypse for me. When there is a true and culminating reason for them to all be there. When you are already used to playing for like 6 hours a day, and it's a resolution to all the frustration.

So yeah... hope you found the article more humorous than serious, and uh, yeah...